My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Four minutes until I can fart!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
