I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Enjoy the penises
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize