Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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