the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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