Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
