the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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