You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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