you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
