Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
