The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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