So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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