glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
