Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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