P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
