I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
