She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
