i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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