We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
being pregnant is like rehab
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
my liver is dry heaving
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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