If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize