I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
