i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
