He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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