So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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