Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
