The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
