i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
