i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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