thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
