Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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