i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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