jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize