I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize