I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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