just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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