best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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