Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Shame - the story of my life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
