I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
