He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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