i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
