Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
