i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
