I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
