My nipple is on Facebook.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
