whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
