Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
