i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
