My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
