walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
