Your tits are I can't wait for
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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