Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
