Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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