No stitches, just platelets and will power
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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