it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
