Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
