I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
