Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
