then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
