take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
