Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize